Emotional Regulators and Coping Mechanisms
Emotional regulation is an important life skill that needs to be practised over time through coping mechanisms. This skill requires time to develop (it’s completely personal!), as it takes self-analysis and experimentation to find the tools that best suit our needs. This process of managing the impact of the consequences of bad times is not about controlling our emotions in the midst of chaos, but rather how we deal with our own feelings in a healthy and adaptive way after the fact. It involves being able to recognise and understand our own emotions and then using various strategies to manage them positively.
In fact, emotional regulators are simply a sophisticated way of saying that we prepare and organize intentionally in advance so that when those difficult moments come, we have the best possible support and structure to deal with them.
All we know about life is that eventually, things will inevitably go wrong. We know we have to face it; we can’t avoid pain all the time. It’s like trying to avoid raisins at Christmas – it will just happen – even in your own home. Another point is that we also need to go through these difficult situations to grow; it’s a fact. Because, at the end of the day, that’s what makes us stronger, more resilient, and more empathetic. I know you don’t need anyone to tell you that; you know that. It’s everywhere. I’m just here to remind you.
There are general pieces of basic advice, such as writing in a journal, meditating, doing breathing exercises and physical exercises, and socialising. But often we also turn to less-than-smart emotional regulators like alcohol, junk food and other actors. Yes, when we feel bad, we want quick results, and these regulators seem to do a good job, but the problem is what comes next. Below I mention some problems of resorting to a night of vodka, cigarettes, and McDonald’s as saviours:
- Problem 1: Hangovers can deplete neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and dopamine, which can worsen symptoms of depression and anxiety. Alcoholic beverages and foods high in saturated fats and sugar can negatively affect neurotransmitter production, and can also impair sleep, which further hinders production.
- Problem 2: The habit of running away and seeking pleasure reinforces an identity of not facing problems. If in each challenging situation, we choose to escape and the pursuit of pleasure as an answer, we put a penny in that “fugitive personality”. On the other hand, if we face our emotions, feel and express them appropriately, we give credit to a more stable and emotionally secure personality.
- Problem 3: We don’t learn anything from what we’ve been through, we don’t reflect on our current responsibility (even if the situation is not our fault), or we don’t reflect on some possible gain. Nor do we reflect on how we will get out of the problem, or at least how not to fall back into the same hole.
I know, often the only possible food is the one that is the easiest to make, the only way to deal with a shitty reality is to distract ourselves with Instagram and Netflix. It’s all we got sometimes. There is no single right answer, but let me show you some other strategies.
Emotional Survival Kit
Creating an emotional survival kit is a proactive and empowering act of self-care. It involves identifying effective coping strategies and gathering tools and resources to help manage difficult emotions. This can be done by selecting a physical container or digital space to store personal value items, comforting objects, and positive affirmations or reminders. Regularly updating the kit and including a checklist of helpful actions can also be beneficial. By investing time and effort in building an emotional survival kit, individuals equip themselves with the resources needed to navigate challenging situations and effectively manage their emotions. This essential act of self-love promotes resilience and emotional well-being.
Pamper your inner muse
We underestimate the value of a cosy environment. We spend our whole life preparing the environment for others: a beautiful table for guests, a comforting bed for children, a warm and inviting living room for our family with candles and blankets, but how about us?
- Designate a self-care space: reserve a space in your home to engage in self-care activities. It can be a cosy corner with a comfortable chair, a yoga mat and some props, or a table with a diffuser and some calming essential oils. This space will invite you to take care of yourself.
- Incorporate nature: Bring some plants indoors or add natural elements such as a small fountain or rocks to your self-care space. Research suggests that exposure to nature can have a positive effect on mood and stress levels.
- Create a relaxing atmosphere: Use soft lighting, soothing music, and calming aromas to create a relaxing environment. Consider adding some aromatherapy candles, incense, or essential oil diffusers to your self-care space.
- Schedule regular self-care time: Set aside time for self-care activities such as meditation, yoga, or a relaxing bath. Make it a priority by scheduling it in your calendar and treating it like any other commitment.
Remember, creating a self-care atmosphere is about making intentional choices that prioritise our well-being. By incorporating these ideas into our daily routine, We can create a home environment that supports and nurtures our mind, body, and soul.
Defence Strategies
The significant events in our lives influence our way of being more than we would like to admit. We create defences based on these experiences, along with the models of parents and caregivers on how to deal with adversity. Any psychological defence we use has the purpose of protecting and adapting us. Common defence strategies such as avoiding contact with unpleasant experiences, suppressing feelings, or being stuck in pride have short-term effects but accumulate emotional baggage in the long run.
It’s essential to recognise that what we resist persists. We often resist emotions because we fear feeling them. Many symptoms are substitutes for legitimate suffering that has not been recognised, felt, processed, and assimilated. Therefore, they are generated by the way we react to events, not events themselves. We can cultivate several high-quality defence strategies that enable valuable internal resources, such as facing difficulties, pain, and fear head-on, allowing ourselves to feel uncomfortable emotions, and trusting and aligning with everything that happens.
It’s not about forcing ourselves to have good feelings or artificially boosting our positivity. In fact, what we need is to remove the obstacles that are blocking the sunlight, or even just to notice that they are just clouds – passengers – and so we just observe their movements, their colors and textures, with attention and curiosity.
Today I choose to embrace my recovery process, and I’m not afraid to feel all the sensations involved in it. It’s like I lose the fear of everything that comes from within me. Because everything that is mine fits inside me, including my fears and my shadows.
REFERENCES:
- Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271–299. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.2.3.271
- McRae, K., & Gross, J. J. (2020). Emotion regulation. Emotion, 20(1), 1–9. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000703
- Compas, B. E., Jaser, S. S., Bettis, A. H., Watson, K. H., Gruhn, M. A., Dunbar, J. P., Williams, E., & Thigpen, J. C. (2017). Coping, emotion regulation, and psychopathology in childhood and adolescence: A meta-analysis and narrative review. Psychological Bulletin, 143(9), 939–991. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000110